Live Positive Way - Let's welcome 2023!

 Live Positive Way - Let's welcome 2023!

Live Positive Way - December Poo

 Live Positive Way - December பூ

"Flowers seem intended for the solace of ordinary humanity." John Ruskin

I always have a deep love for flowers and their aroma, because my name, "Sugandhi" means "fragrance." At times we have some choices or love for two things at a time, which may be exact opposites to each other. I am not an exception when it comes to such choices. When I like the tuberose (rajnigandha) flower's scent the most, I feel particularly linked to another flower that doesn't possess any 'scent' or 'fragrance' but has yet created wonder in my life.

That was the time when my grandparents moved away with my uncle, who was transferred to a different place, and I used to really miss my grandma. Back then, when we didn't even have landline phones or smartphones, I used to feel quite alone because I couldn't talk to my grandmother quite often, and even though Dad was my best friend, he was often away on his official trips, leaving me mostly by myself.

 We used to live in a rented house, and in those days, the apartment setup was not so popular, so a few landlords let some portion of their house or their outhouse on rent. In one such house, the landlord had a wide range of plants all over the surroundings. Flowers used to come in a variety of colours, some of which were seasonal and others were seen all through the year. The dissolution of our joint family system, as well as the changes in location, school, and atmosphere, caused me so much stress that I couldn't make any new 'good' friends. My only source of comfort was watching these vibrant flowers in the evening.

The December month became so close to my heart with the arrival of these non-fragrance flowers, which we called December poo (I don't know how it is called in English). They used to bloom in a range of colours, including light purple, blue, pink, white, and a blue and white blossom combination that looks incredibly stunning, even if they don't have a sweet aroma. The lady who owns our home saw me spending time with these beautiful flowers. She was a bit harsh with everyone but surprisingly generous with me, and one day she told me that I may pick a few flowers every day for myself while leaving a few on the plant to make it look nice. For me, that was like winning a lottery.

I used to wake up early in the morning and go straight to pluck those flowers and tie them into a garland, and I proudly wore them. I used to find it difficult to find happiness and a sense of connection with others back then, but those tiny flowers used to bring both, 'happiness' and a sense of 'connection'. It eventually helped me to overcome my gloom and gave me a great new passion for life. We used to receive them from November until the end of January, despite the fact that they are a seasonal flower for December. Winter eventually became my favourite season of the year because I looked forward to these flowers blooming there.

My childhood taught me that pleasure need not necessarily be defined by what 'we desire' or by anything that is difficult and highly challenging to obtain, but rather even the smallest of God's creations can provide us with a complete connection, a purpose for our quest, and a great delight and absolute pleasure. Now, the first thing that springs up in my mind when I think of December is those lovely flowers that bloom throughout that month. I have been anticipating December month for years now. Sadly though now I hardly see the plant anywhere near my house, I get them from the local flower market, and they still decorate my plaits. Since only tiny girls wear these flowers nowadays, my pals make fun of me, however, I always enjoy wearing them on my head.

My young readers might believe that I keep writing about my old stories; therefore, I want to reassure them that it is our past experiences and knowledge that have shaped who we are today. Back then, despite the problems and hardships we faced, we continued to look for enjoyment and fulfilment in the tiniest little things. It would be wonderful if you too could spend quality time with your parents to learn such fascinating tales about their formative years and virtually travel back in time to gain new perspectives on life.

Since I've been away from my land now, I couldn't discover my December poo this winter season after all these years, but I'm sure I'll check them again next year.

There are so many other creators (apart from humans) which live in this universe in addition to us. As fellow creatures, we are all dependent on one another, and if we can value every other fellow creature, this earth will become a lovely place to live.

I will continue to explore and admire my life, and I hope you will do the same. Keep in touch with your loved ones, cherish your memories, and remain optimistic at all times. 

Stay healthy and stay positive! - Suganthi Sankaran

Live Positive Way - FOMO? FOCO?......YOU

Live Positive Way - FOMO? FOCO?......YOU

 "My bursting heart must find vent at my pen." – Abigail Adams

The brand new days of technological advancement bring with them some new challenges that are labelled with brand new names. A recent study introduces one such acronym, "FOMO", which I believe I also personally experience occasionally and that I also observe people around me experiencing it frequently. FOMO-Fear Of Missing Out... Fear of missing out: "What"? I don't want to discuss its original meaning, which is' the anxiety over being left out of fun activities, a group of co-workers, or other family gatherings'. I, on the other hand, want to talk about the perception that 'others are having more fun and living a better life' than 'me'. I'd prefer to connect this idea of 'FOMO' directly to any exclusive one-on-one relationship that two people have.

 

In a relationship, where does this FOMO stand? Is that fear of missing the person we are dealing with? Or the fear of missing out on the care and attention we are receiving? Or the fear of missing the relationship itself? 

 

Every connection has its own initial growing period, irrespective of whether it was developed out of love, friendship, or other association. Those are the times when we talk about our personal lives, enjoy being with one another, or discuss our shared and obsessive interests, or even dislikes. It almost sounds like both the parties have made a joint commitment to uphold the 'bond' for the rest of their lives, terming it something like 'forever-bonded'. At some point in time, 'we believe' we have at last discovered someone who will always stand by our side and knows us well.

 

Our knowledge of one another may progressively increase to a point where there aren't many details left to discuss. As a result, the graph gradually starts to decline in terms of our shared time and connectivity. At this point, I believe, between the two connected people, FOMO captures the person who is emotionally 'more' connected.

 

The 'affected person' starts wondering what happened to that so-called "forever together" friendship. They may even genuinely start chasing for answers from the other counterpart for such a shift in the relationship dynamics, or they may simply begin nagging the other person who is 'ignoring him/her'. This can keep going for several days, months, or even for years, but to understand that this pattern of being left in the void is not going to change demands a lot of maturity. Many keep waiting for the occasion that can change everything back to the way it was when it all started, which will never happen (I don't intend to sound too pessimistic, but it’s a fact of life). 

 

This is when we get stuck in FOMO, it pushes us to think over all that 'was' frozen as 'lived experiences'. At this point, what people personally feel more disturbing and hurting--more than being ignored or being left out of a relationship--is the time and energy that they have invested in nurturing and developing those feelings and intricate emotional connections with that person and how it is not being reciprocated. We might have spent so much time in a relationship that we reach a stage where we will not be able to 'let-go' of it. Maybe we might have travelled too far by ignoring other things that might have given us some happiness. I believe that even in secure relationships (marriage), FOMO can arise. Fortunately, there, a discourse and discussion can occur easily, but in other situations, the counterpart won't be prepared to discuss at all since they no longer care about this connection in the same way that the other person cares about it.

 

The natural question that will come up in this circumstance is,

"What can we do then?" That's where I think the concept of FOCO or 'Fear Of COntinuing' comes in. Despite all the negative factors (without blaming anyone, of course), we try to please the one who ghosts us, or we over-think if we have done something wrong, we will be in a constant state of worry and forego all the enjoyable aspects of life. If you find yourself in such a situation, simply shake it off and reconsider. Take a break and explore your true desires. Think, are you going to continue appeasing the person who ignores you?

 

Instead of focusing on what you are missing in life, think about how you can handle it. Sincerely, I have reached a point where I believe nothing lasts forever and that if something or someone is destined to stay, it/s/he will stay regardless of our best efforts to forego it.

 

Practice self-love, self-admiration, and try to enjoy your solitude. I always keep insisting on this, and people tend to think I’m selfish. I can promise you that you are the only one who can be there for yourself, and that can never change. Why chase love and care from someone when you can give a thousand bounds to yourself? Things that last a lifetime are only memories, regardless of who comes and goes in your life. Every relationship has such beautiful moments, and coming out of a relationship doesn’t mean forgetting even those beautiful moments spent together, but nurturing those moments and keeping them archived in our minds. Some capture them as poems, some as art, some as blog posts.

 

Give yourself some time and try something new. This might reassure you that life will always offer you something better and that you are destined to experience happy moments.

 

Always remember that the space you have or had in someone’s life can never be replaced with another. The moments you remember as fond memories have the same value for the 'other' person too, since they can't deny those beautiful memories that were created by your association with them. Love your life more than anything else, and cling to whatever brings you happiness and tranquillity. Always discover love and acceptance within yourself rather than looking for them elsewhere. You are also your best critic as well as your closest friend and advisor. Therefore, the idea that you need an outside force to find what you're looking for completely disappears.

 

I conclude this blog with my Bhagawan Krishna’s quote,

 

उद्धरेदात्मनात्मानं नात्मानमवसादयेत् |

आत्मैव ह्यात्मनो बन्धुरात्मैव रिपुरात्मन: || 6.5||

 

uddhared ātmanātmānaṁ nātmānam avasādayet

ātmaiva hyātmano bandhur ātmaiva ripur ātmanaḥ (BG 6.5:)

 

Elevate yourself through the power of your mind, and do not degrade yourself, for the mind can be your friend and also your enemy.

- Suganthi Sankaran

Live Positive Way

Live Positive Way -  A small blog after a long gap

Parents' Happiness:- This raises a debatable topic between parents and children, across generations, about what really makes them happy. 

In my personal experience, I have felt that my parents felt more delighted when I made some new recipe, or something my dad's or mom's childhood favourite dish, or if I sat with my dad (especially) and served him food more often than the times I have taken him out or got some gifts for him. He used to be happier since he never felt alone when he was with me because he could be in any room at any time and talk to all of us (myself, my husband, and my child). That gave him more happiness than giving him a separate room. What matters more is the way we include them in our conversations, exactly the way they used to do when we were young. 

Language is never a barrier when it comes to understanding emotions. The gist I shared here was shared in a Gujrati movie, "Dear Father," in which the role of father is played by Paresh Rawal ji. The movie is available on Amazon Prime. 

It's been exactly 2 years since my father left for his heavenly abode and though it is very little what I have done to him compared to what he has done for me, I feel blessed that I was able to serve him his favourite dishes at least and I will keep learning them. In his forever fond memories.

- Suganthi Sankaran

Live Positive Way - Nari Shakti

Live Positive Way - Nari Shakti 

She stands by her family as a pillar of support, leaving her ‘dream career’, keeping aside all her interests---which, once she thought she would pursue ardently till her last breathe, come what may. 

She multi-tasks by taking care of all the house-hold needs and extends her support to her child for educational and emotional support. She is always on the run, sometimes to stores to pick the essentials, or to school to pick her children, sometime to banks to attend to various financial needs….yet, she lends her ears and support to ‘him’ when he needs a support and, at times, some advice too to tackle his professional tensions, but she never says she can handle only one thing at a time. 

She is expected to do things to please people who will still constantly find fault with her in all that she does. She is expected to behave "matured" and "understand the situation" although most of the times she is right yet, she does what is expected of her. 

Falling sick is never an option, since the whole family comes to a halt if she rests for a few days. Hence, her work schedule is 24/7 all the way till the end of her life. Still, some men folks thinks themselves alone as heroes for reasons best known only to them, when she is the real Hero who is tackling both the known and the unknown tensions of everyday life, that too, every time, with a broad smile and a strong heart. Today, let’s greet the ‘real Hero’—seldom forgotten and ignored heroes—‘Women of y/our family. 

Because and only because you can handle everything, ‘they’ always depend on you for your support, love, and advice. As a mother, a sister, a wife, a daughter, a friend, or even a colleague, you ‘give’ the real reason for them to ‘exist’ and that to exist ‘happily’. 

It is no more 'Cogito ergo sum', ( I think therefore, I am) but, 'propter mulieres, hic mundus est' (Because of women, this world exists) 

Celebrating the power of women...celebrating life. - Suganthi Sankaran 

Happy Women's Day to all women in my life and wishing a great day to all men who admire and motivates her! 

#NariShakti #BeingWoman