Live Positive Way - FOMO? FOCO?......YOU
"My bursting heart must find vent at my pen." – Abigail Adams
The brand new days of technological advancement bring with them some new challenges that are labelled with brand new names. A recent study introduces one such acronym, "FOMO", which I believe I also personally experience occasionally and that I also observe people around me experiencing it frequently. FOMO-Fear Of Missing Out... Fear of missing out: "What"? I don't want to discuss its original meaning, which is' the anxiety over being left out of fun activities, a group of co-workers, or other family gatherings'. I, on the other hand, want to talk about the perception that 'others are having more fun and living a better life' than 'me'. I'd prefer to connect this idea of 'FOMO' directly to any exclusive one-on-one relationship that two people have.
In a relationship, where does this FOMO stand? Is that fear of missing the person we are dealing with? Or the fear of missing out on the care and attention we are receiving? Or the fear of missing the relationship itself?
Every connection has its own initial growing period, irrespective of whether it was developed out of love, friendship, or other association. Those are the times when we talk about our personal lives, enjoy being with one another, or discuss our shared and obsessive interests, or even dislikes. It almost sounds like both the parties have made a joint commitment to uphold the 'bond' for the rest of their lives, terming it something like 'forever-bonded'. At some point in time, 'we believe' we have at last discovered someone who will always stand by our side and knows us well.
Our knowledge of one another may progressively increase to a point where there aren't many details left to discuss. As a result, the graph gradually starts to decline in terms of our shared time and connectivity. At this point, I believe, between the two connected people, FOMO captures the person who is emotionally 'more' connected.
The 'affected person' starts wondering what happened to that so-called "forever together" friendship. They may even genuinely start chasing for answers from the other counterpart for such a shift in the relationship dynamics, or they may simply begin nagging the other person who is 'ignoring him/her'. This can keep going for several days, months, or even for years, but to understand that this pattern of being left in the void is not going to change demands a lot of maturity. Many keep waiting for the occasion that can change everything back to the way it was when it all started, which will never happen (I don't intend to sound too pessimistic, but it’s a fact of life).
This is when we get stuck in FOMO, it pushes us to think over all that 'was' frozen as 'lived experiences'. At this point, what people personally feel more disturbing and hurting--more than being ignored or being left out of a relationship--is the time and energy that they have invested in nurturing and developing those feelings and intricate emotional connections with that person and how it is not being reciprocated. We might have spent so much time in a relationship that we reach a stage where we will not be able to 'let-go' of it. Maybe we might have travelled too far by ignoring other things that might have given us some happiness. I believe that even in secure relationships (marriage), FOMO can arise. Fortunately, there, a discourse and discussion can occur easily, but in other situations, the counterpart won't be prepared to discuss at all since they no longer care about this connection in the same way that the other person cares about it.
The natural question that will come up in this circumstance is,
"What can we do then?" That's where I think the concept of FOCO or 'Fear Of COntinuing' comes in. Despite all the negative factors (without blaming anyone, of course), we try to please the one who ghosts us, or we over-think if we have done something wrong, we will be in a constant state of worry and forego all the enjoyable aspects of life. If you find yourself in such a situation, simply shake it off and reconsider. Take a break and explore your true desires. Think, are you going to continue appeasing the person who ignores you?
Instead of focusing on what you are missing in life, think about how you can handle it. Sincerely, I have reached a point where I believe nothing lasts forever and that if something or someone is destined to stay, it/s/he will stay regardless of our best efforts to forego it.
Practice self-love, self-admiration, and try to enjoy your solitude. I always keep insisting on this, and people tend to think I’m selfish. I can promise you that you are the only one who can be there for yourself, and that can never change. Why chase love and care from someone when you can give a thousand bounds to yourself? Things that last a lifetime are only memories, regardless of who comes and goes in your life. Every relationship has such beautiful moments, and coming out of a relationship doesn’t mean forgetting even those beautiful moments spent together, but nurturing those moments and keeping them archived in our minds. Some capture them as poems, some as art, some as blog posts.
Give yourself some time and try something new. This might reassure you that life will always offer you something better and that you are destined to experience happy moments.
Always remember that the space you have or had in someone’s life can never be replaced with another. The moments you remember as fond memories have the same value for the 'other' person too, since they can't deny those beautiful memories that were created by your association with them. Love your life more than anything else, and cling to whatever brings you happiness and tranquillity. Always discover love and acceptance within yourself rather than looking for them elsewhere. You are also your best critic as well as your closest friend and advisor. Therefore, the idea that you need an outside force to find what you're looking for completely disappears.
I conclude this blog with my Bhagawan Krishna’s quote,
उद्धरेदात्मनात्मानं नात्मानमवसादयेत् |
आत्मैव ह्यात्मनो बन्धुरात्मैव रिपुरात्मन: || 6.5||
uddhared ātmanātmānaṁ nātmānam avasādayet
ātmaiva hyātmano bandhur ātmaiva ripur ātmanaḥ (BG 6.5:)
Elevate yourself through the power of your mind, and do not degrade yourself, for the mind can be your friend and also your enemy.
- Suganthi Sankaran
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