Live Positive Way - A throw back

5th September 2003 – a throw back

It was a pleasant evening, the clock was rolling fast and we were in the 'German Hall' in Kodambakkam almost filled to its full capacity.  I was 'super excited' for two reasons. First, for, I was through with my 'Executives Workshop on Motivation' and two for the felicitation  function of our batch. A ‘Trophy’ for the outstanding students and a few medals for the best performers were earmarked.  I was 100% sure that the ‘trophy’ will be grabbed by my brother since he did extra-ordinarily well and outshined other participants in all aspects of the course. Secondly, after so many months I was feeling 'happy', 'contented' and 'satisfied for acquiring something 'good' and was eagerly waiting to watch the grand show.

It was almost 7 months after resigning my job from NIFT and was searching a job all over Chennai. I kept going with the famous probability formula of '1 hit for 100 searches', so you can guess how many places I might have visited in search of a job. One good take away was, I got to know the entire Chennai city so well and knowledge about various industries and the different varieties of job that was available in the market then, except the fact that, I wasn't able to get a job for me. I used to attend many many lengthy...day-long....week-long interviews, cross all levels of scrunity but somehow I couldn't crack the last rounds and make it to the final 'successful candidate list'.  While being a positive person, I managed to keep my hopes alive and believed that 'something good is going to happen', at the same time, I was reflecting on why I was not able to get through in the final rounds of the interviews.  My financial position too was moving from 'comfort zone' to 'critical zone' and I must get a job in couple of months to get back on track. I always wish to offer a big 'thank you' to those 'wonderful' ‘R’ people in our lives, who constantly criticize us, about our status and keep giving us unsolicited advices and 'put us down' with all negative comments. In those days specially if you are not an Engineer or Doctor that is the end of the world. I used to hear, "Hey, you are not professionally qualified still you left the Central Government job? Why you quit your job? How are you going to get a job? That too in Chennai?”……. I was terrified.... scared of hearing these dialogues hitting me again and again and hence started avoiding all ‘R’s….(hope by now you know what stands for ‘R’ if you're not able to guess do message me I will love to reply :) So, I was desperately hoping for a ray of hope, a new start, a positive sign in life.

The program started and all of our 'batch mates' were seated close to the dais. There were a few introductory speeches and the chief guest's speech and then came the most exciting part, the ‘Awards and Rewards’. Never I had aimed for any awards or rewards till that time but being in that predicament---with a 'job-less' status---I was longing for a recognition of my intellectual ability, just one note of appreciation, one medal.

There were many medal winners, many of my batch mates were called up on to the stage and were rewarded with medals under various categories, and, I was still waiting in anticipation below the dias, then came the announcement from the Coordinator, ’all the medals meant for the day are distributed and now it is time to announce the trophy winner'. By hearing this I got so upset and started analysing things in my head whether I went wrong anywhere in my participation but remembered giving my best and being an active participant in every challenging activity. Immediately within seconds I gathered myself and told to myself that 'it is fine if I am not getting an award since I had the satisfaction of 'being a part of something very good' and to get associated with such a great institution. Now, I was ready to hear my brother’s name to be announced as a Trophy winner --- The course coordinator again started after a pause……this is the first time in MAX Academy we are awarding two 'Trophy Winners' and the best thing is both the Trophies are going to the same house…. To the brother and sister…..’ Oh god it’s me! I was feeling out of the world.  It was the first time in my life I heard my name as a ‘Winner’ and my blood raced fast when I climbed those few stairs of the stage and received it with full pride and happiness.

This post is not about me getting a trophy but about the person who thought I deserve it, it's none other than our beloved Dr. J.N. Reddy. That stage, the approval in his eyes and the trophy for the Best Performer that I received, boosted my confidence exponentially, which even he was not aware of.  I felt fully charged up and felt highly motivated at that moment. That was the day I felt that, 'come-what-may', I can never 'fail' in my life and all that stops me from achieving success are mere 'challenges', which I can face and overcome. We always need 'that' one 'appreciation moment'; you can even call it a 'magical pat' to get back the lost confidence. Not only the trophy, eventually, Dr. Reddy even gave me a job in his institution to start with my second innings. From there, it was never a look back, I bagged a job in a most reputed International Bank and never had an iota of doubt about my 'strengths'. He had always been my source of motivation and I always have a great regard for him. I am sure, it is not just me, but many of my fellow 'maxions' is as well surely touched by his sweet gestures. He practice what he preach and I am proud to be associated with such a wonderful person who always inspires and motivates everyone.

After a long gap, again I am back to a job to try my third innings with full of zeal and enthusiasm. I am still in that state of mind that I had while receiving my trophy. “I can always give my best anywhere and in anything that I take up”.  It is not always required to give awards and rewards to recognise someone’s potential, a simple word of appreciation---even the assurance and acceptance we extend towards someone---can boost their morale.  Let’s all be the kind of person who appreciates others and never criticise. Life matters more and we can be someone’s support to keep their spirits high. Let's make a positive impact in someone's life through our positive words and actions!

Stay positive!! Be a change-agent!!

- Suganthi Sankaran

Live Positive Way - Happy Teacher's Day!

षडंगादिवेदो मुखे शास्त्रविद्या

कवित्वादि गद्यं सुपद्यं करोति

मनश्चेन्न लग्नं गुरोरंघ्रिपद्मे

ततः किं ततः किं ततः किं ततः किम्

sadangadivedo mukhe shastravidya

kavitvadi gadyam supadyam karoti |

manashcenna lagnam guroranghripadme

tatah kim tatah kim tatah kim tatah kim ||

which means "The Vedas with their six limbs and the knowledge of all sciences may be on one’s lips; one may possess the poetic gift and may compose fine prose and poetry; but if one’s mind be not centred upon the lotus feet of the Guru, what then, what then, what then?"

– Guruvastakam by Sri Adi Sankara

We can reach whatever heights we want in life, can mature with age and wisdom, can progress in every aspects in life but all these starts with the blessings of the teacher. There is no greater blessings than the love, hope, guidance, warmth and care of a teacher. 

My humble Pranams to all my Teachers, my Facilitators, Seniors at my work place, my Husband, my invisible Gurus yet powerful Book Author's, especially Dr. Brain Weiss, my Trainers @ MDA/Ananya, My fellow Remedial Educators and all Teachers...Wishing everyone a Happy Teachers Day on this special day!

- Suganthi Sankaran

Live Positive Way - Independence Day 2018

Another year of "Independence Day celebrations". Let's imagine the day when we got "freedom" from the British, how people might have felt, it is indeed difficult to even guage. They might have run 'here and there' on roads in ecstasy, rejoicing the freedom, happily hoisting our 'tiranga' (flag) and sharing the joy and sweets....Do we all really "rejoice" our independence day with the same fervour now? Have "Independence day" and "Republic day" become just a confirmed holidays to be with the family? I really don't know what you feel while you read this, but I feel upset when I see some people shut themselves inside their house to watch the "Special programs" in TV (which in no way connected to Independence Day) or prefer sleeping for a longer time since it is a "holiday".

I grew up hearing my dad quoting poet Bharathidasan's words,

"தச்சன் கூடுதான் உனக்குச் சதமோ?

அக்கா அக்கா என்று நீ அழைத்தாய்.

அக்கா வந்து கொடுக்கச்

சுக்கா மிளகா சுதந்திரம் கிளியே?", 

(Independence is not a dry ginger or black pepper which can be given by the elder sister), which had indirectly made me understand how difficult it was for those freedom fighters to get freedom for our nation. Only because of the so many sacrifices of our people, we got our freedom...but though we 'enjoy' the freedom 'we hardly value' it now!

I remember one of our school day's independence day celebration. It was pouring heavily that day but still none of us moved an inch from the place where we were. Patriotic! That's how we were in our school days and thanks to our teachers and my school, which exposed us to the freedom fighters and spread knowledge about  their great sacrifices.

Times got changed now and we have to be blamed for not ensuring our children's participation in "flag hoisting" with pride. We should make them understand our rich heritage and value our Nation. Encourage them to read more about 'our' history and about 'our freedom fighters'. There were some 'real' freedom fighters for whom our country's independence remained their only wish of their life. Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose - a great visionary and our great leader, was one of them. Suspiciously, our main stream history books don't talk much about him. What he didn't do for us to enjoy the freedom? It's unfortunate to see him placed as a "forgotten hero". Should we blame the then Government formed in independent India? or a few selfish leaders who ensured that the future India cuts its chords with him? His death still remains a mystery. Many research articles state that British were so scared of him and it's because of him they wanted to leave our nation.

"Where all he went, what all difficulties he faced just to see all of us free". Many documents, movies, articles & books are available online now to know more about his indomitable efforts. He loved his motherland more than his love of life. The popular "slogans" and the "national song" came into existence because of him, for he who advised the then Congress about its importance and the impact it can create in the minds of people. 

"Tum Mujhe khoon do, main thume azadi doonga" (Give your blood, I will give you freedom) his quote, even today, makes my blood run fast. He travelled a lot to meet the leaders of other nation (which still looks like a dream for me) to help us get freedom. From Kolkata to Pakistan - Afghan - Germany and travelling in submarine (underwater) for more than 40+ days to reach Japan... Oh God! Terrific it is.... He did all of this during the World War II. One can imagine how much struggle he might have encountered on his way.....

"First Mohammed Ziaudin - an insurance agent, then Ziaudin Khan, a mute tribal Patan and now an Italian count (Orlando Mazzotta)...kya kya na hua ya watan tere pyaar mein"..... (from the film Netaji Subash Chandra Bose - The forgotten hero).

Taking charge of INA, training the soldiers and the way he encouraged to fight for our freedom...gives me goosebumps!! 

To add on, Bhagat Singh, Chandrasekhar Azad, Muthuramalinga Thevar and so many leaders about whom we get very less information in our school History books. Hence I request you---my peeps---to ponder over the points that I shared and educate our children to learn more about our great leaders and help them walk the path of those pure souls.

Wishing you all a very Happy Independence Day!

Kindly participate in the "Flag hoisting" on 15th August every year, wherever it is convenient for you.

Jai Hind!!

- Suganthi Sankaran

Live Positive Way - Are marriages made in heaven?!

A popular saying - "Marriages are made in heaven"... Are they? I don't know.

Having got shifted to a new place, without friends and without much access to television news channels/programs and internet I have only one option left now to sit near my balcony and introspect on the topics, which cross my mind. One such topic, which flashed is the above one - "Are marriages made in heaven"?

This gave me a throw back incident. A few years ago, I went to my family doctor for his consultancy. He has a wide room where we were kept seated as he checks his patients one by one. The conversation that happens between the doctor and patient can be easily heard since there is no strong doors/glasses that separates him from the other patients seated in the wide room. Actually he enjoys the traditional approach of attending to his patients and all of his patients (us) are comfortable with that set up.

One woman, I vividly recollect her face, must be around 25-30, married for a couple of years, was present there for her consultancy. She was looking good, fresh and happy. She had some medical issues for which she had came with her husband for a routine follow-up.

Doctor started examining her. He asked, "How are you feeling now after taking these medicines"? Answer came from her husband, "She is feeling better now Doctor". Again Doctor asked, "are you having your meals properly without skipping them"? Once again the same strong husband's voice replied, "Enga Doctor??! Naanum solli paathutaen,  kaekkavey maataengudu. Adu nalla saaptu nalla irrundathaney naan sandhoshama irrupaen?!!". (Oh Doctor, I too keep insisting her to have food properly. Only if she keeps her health good I can stay happy...right??!) 

There were few more questions from the doctor but every time it was the man who explained/replied the doctor and not his lady. I was surprised to see the husband's knowledge and information even about his lady's micro activities. She was all the time giggling, smiling, feeling shy and her face expressions..... Oh God it was outstanding!! Seeing them I can easily make out that her husband must be a daily wager and they must be having very little facilities in life. But the happiness in her eyes were 'priceless'. 

For the first time in my life I envied someone. All my master's degrees vanished like a dot, the pride I used to have for being an independent woman, the big brand image of having associated with NIFT, ABN AMRO (which I always treasure in my mind), all my other talents, appreciation certificates, achievements everything went for a toss and I felt like I am so small, incomplete and almost null in front of the spark in her eyes. That moment I realised, "Yes! The marriages are indeed made in heaven". If not, I could have never got an opportunity to see this scene in front of me.

More than money, more than fame, more than luxury a woman's absolute need is only 'love and care'. I also realised, every marriages must be made in heaven and I suddenly recollected all the good things that my husband used to do for me, which otherwise I hardly have thought of.

There can be various misunderstandings, there can even be some difference of opinion but if we are able to set aside those few things/traits/habits of our spouse, everyone of us can realise and see that the positive side is stronger and due to our constant cribbing nature we miss out all those good qualities in our spouse and be after them to alter/modify their nature according to our own requirements. 

I wonder at times whether our education really becomes a boon or barrier when it comes to understanding the relationship better. Knowledge gives us so much inputs and once 'ego' gets combined with 'knowledge' it indulges us in examining 'everything' and 'everyone' which causes only pain and dismay.

Let's start appreciating even the smallest​ things in life. It will help us to stay more passionate. This journey of life can be complete only by ascertaining how good we handled life with acceptance, love, harmony and compassion. 

Let's take this first step!!

Start living instead of just existing!!

Let's keep the people around us happy!!

Let the attitude of that lady's husband be ours too!! 

Let's make our people happy!!

Stay happy and stay positive!!

- Suganthi Sankaran

Live Positive Way - My Vipassana Meditation Experience!

Imagine getting into a "shell", totally cut-off from the whole world that too for more than 10 days? But surrounded by a lovely environment full of positivity. It must sound thrilling to you, right? And it was thrilling! Yes! I ventured out to enjoy the "complete solitude" by learning Vipassana Meditation for 10 days at a place named 'Dhamma' (cosmic law and order) in Chennai, popularly called as 'Dhamma-Setu'. "Vipassana" means 'seeing things as they really are'. It's a technique taught by Gautama Buddha himself 2500 years ago.

It all started the day I was frustrated to find myself falling asleep in just 10 minutes when I try to meditate. When I shared this with my husband (must mention here that I am blessed with a person who really understands what my 'search' is), he said my mind is not trained enough to meditate peacefully so, I fall asleep. He suggested that I must go and learn Vipassana meditation since he found me so interested in doing meditation yet felt frustrated because of lack of progress. He himself initiated the process to apply online and finally I got selected to take up the course.

The course involves five percepts and got a list of strict rules like :-

Noble silence - observe complete silence and cannot even communicate with fellow meditators not even through gestures, eye contact or by any other actions. We can only talk to teacher and other Course Co-ordinators.

No phone, internet or any outside contacts which means I have to stay away from my daughter & husband and can't talk to them even. I will not be in touch with​ my relatives/friends with whom otherwise I am always in touch every second through social networking sites.

No music, no reading and no writing - I guess now almost all those who know me will understand how difficult it could have been for me to avoid all the above three.

So many other rules there perfectly suited me like 'saatvik' food and that too only twice a day (no dinner will be provided in the night but only a small snack in the evening). Time table of the course looked a bit stretched since we must start our day by 4 am and it goes until 9.30 pm in which almost for 10 1/2 hours we must sit and meditate and sit for further 1 1/2 hours to listen to the day's discourse.

I kept asking my husband, "will I be able to stay for 10 days like that"? "will I quit in between and come back"? Everytime, he smiled and replied, "I know you can successfully complete the 10 days course"! I knew he always have had that faith in me that I can do anything if I am convinced. This time, actually his belief about me had been my strength which helped me stay there for 10 days with ease. Though I had so many responsibilities his strong intention of sending me to the course made me determined to take it up.

I felt so nervous reaching the centre the previous day of my course (registration usually happens the previous day of the course commencement date) and thankfully I had a roommate and I got very comfortable with her within a few minutes. Destiny is such that both our daughters share the same name. That evening around 7 pm all the rules of the course were explained and our Noble silence started by then.

Systematically we were introduced to the 'Vipassana meditation' step-by-step. It was not that easy actually since it takes a lot of patience, strong determination to learn this technique. We need to listen to all the instructions of our teacher and must follow them meticulously to get fully benefited. Though it sounds demanding there is nothing to panic. It's difficult but quite possible to learn and practice. Anybody with 'persistent' and 'compassion' can learn this technique.

Now I must give a fair account of the techniques right? It is believed that this technique was practised by Gautama Buddha himself and he got liberated through it. He is an authentic testimony for that hence there is no R&D required to check it's authenticity.

Next comes who teaches us right? Our teacher, S N Goenka ji teaches the technique through audio/video tapes, and we also had a teacher physically present in the hall who clarifies our doubts then and there.

This is one scenario that  I saw, on the other hand, we also hear about about so many 'so called' Babas, who teaches meditation, some asks us to do a head shave, some dances insanely to the tunes, some request 'bhakhts' to do Lotus Pooja, pada Pooja, does marketing for his products and what all. Some goes to an extreme where they want us to give all our property to them and enter their jungle (aashram) for the rest of the life. To me, they are more of a 'sect' or a 'religio-political' organisation. But our guruji doesn't expect all these and he neither look like a 'monk' with long 'beard' nor wears 'malas' or perform any extraordinary stunts which is hard to believe. However, if someone wants to pay him 'respects' that can be done only with our eyes closed since he has reached the heavenly abode in the year 2013 itself. So you can understand that there is no personal benefits attached to him in this.

This is the only course that I have come across till date which doesn't have a course fee. You are allowed to take up the course without being asked to pay on the first day. Only after the completion of the course on the 10th day they accept donations from us, which we give on our 'own will'. It can be any amount that a person wishes to donate. Those donations will be used for the future students who will be enrolling for the course. Hence this great technique is taught to people only through charity. There is no fees for teachers either and hence no one is after these "Dhamma Centres'' to take over in future.

I got benefited from this course because I went with a strong determination to acquire what I needed. I meticulously followed all the rules, never went late for any sittings. I had a right knee pain for the past 10 years and was bit worried about sitting for long hours on the floor. I thought of asking for a chair to meditate but when I saw so many elderly ladies seated on the floor I wanted to try meditating sitting on the floor cushions. To my surprise my knee pain disappeared on Day 1 of the course itself and till now I don't find any trace of it. After the course I am feeling very light and am able to feel my whole body and it's activities. I can't sit on the floor continuosly for an hour before but now I can proudly say I can sit the whole day on the floor. I am scared of being inside an enclosed space but that too with the help of Pagodas I have overcome to some extent. I am a calm person still used to become anxious during stressful times but now able to stay even more equanimous in any situation.

10 days of solitude had actually helped me to dig deep inside me to realise who I am. I remembered many things of the past and cherished a few childhood memories which was otherwise forgotten. One such recollection was that I used to spend time watching the sky often when I was a child. I had the opportunity to do that now after the lunch time at Dhamma. Love for 'nature' is always there in me but in these 10 days I found myself moving more close to it.

There are so much to add to this post, but I really suggest you to take up this course for at least once to get benefited. Just give your 10 days for this course and learn the real 'Art of being/living' through it. To reinstate, it is not any religious activity, ritual or some 'sect' formed for converting people. It's purely a spiritual experience and since we must learn it properly they ask us to follow their rules and regulations. We are free to choose the Vipassana or any other meditation technique after we come back.

I suggest you not to read any negative articles about the technique since it may refrain one from trying it. One such article that I read claimed that the course consists of 'Bhuddhism' prayers. It was not so. Since I can understand Hindi very well and have read the daily poem of Bhuddha about what we will be learning that day (instructions on the entrance of the hall) I know it isn't a prayer but an explanation about that day's activity. Since Bhuddha is the one who founded this technique, teacher use those verses as an 'induction' for that day's process.

To talk about Dhamma Setu, the environment is awesome with fresh air, 24/7 water facility, good boarding and lodging facilities, food of my preference - North Indian lunch with roti, chawal, dal, sabji was delicious, the volunteers and Dhamma employees are so polite and approachable. Teacher does clarifies each and every---even silly doubts--- we ask them. 

There is nothing but 'truth', 'compassion' and 'peace'. Though the course is quite demanding it is worth trying as it provides a rich, life transforming experience. I am sure you can explore a new way of meditation you have never heard of or encountered before and I am sure you will be practicing it in your daily life. You will be able to understand your mind and it's relation to every matter, your mind and your body connection, the real path of wisdom and liberation.

I wish to take this opportunity to thank my husband, without whom I would have never got this wonderful experience, my daughter - who kept saying, "You go and learn meditation amma and get 'special powers' (thanks to Pokemon series), I will be with grandparents", my parents, brother and his wife who took care of my daughter in my absence, and my in-laws who were supportive and blessed me to complete the course successfully.

I request people reading this blogpost to share this as much as you can so that many can know about this course, some may show interest, even if one person gets benefited....it will make my journey fruitful. After all, all good things should be shared.

May all share my merits,

may all share my happiness and peace,

may all share my Dhamma (the way to liberation).

May all beings be happy, tranquil and compassionate!

Stay blessed.... Always!!

- Suganthi Sankaran

Few useful links

https://www.dhamma.org

http://www.setu.dhamma.org

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/S._N._Goenka

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WkxSyv5R1sg (criminals, Kiran Bedi​ & Vipassana meditation)

Live Positive Way

Again....it is summer vacation time. We are in the mid of May and only few more days to go for the vacation to get over. 

Nowadays, kids get bored in just two days of vacation. I remember my school days. My tamil folks can relate to playing 'dhayakattai', 'pandi', 'kallangai', 'pallankuzhi', 'paramapadham', etc.... We used to pick just one of them and keep playing for the whole day. We only take break for lunch and tea and wind up post 6 pm. Sometime it continues like a test series... until we become 'bondi' (bankrupt in the game), but we never used to get bored. 

I am an avid reader since my childhood and hence had a habit of visiting a nearby 'old paper mart' to request him to spare some books on a rental basis. My visits used to continue till the end of the vacation. I agree that we didn't have much exposure to television or internet but our childhood days were never boring. Now, children have got so many channels to watch hence before they make up their​ mind to watch something they get bored.

Being with cousins was the best thing that happened to me on holidays. Me, my brother and my cousin sister were the "3 musketeers" roaming around together almost the entire vacation time. We used to have our own share of fights and arguments but at the end of the day we make up and ensure we had loads of fun. Thanks to our modernization...and nuclear family set up....children of this generation are totally cut off from the happiness of being with cousins. To add to it, the gadgets that are available to them make them move away from everything and everyone. Though I ensure that my child does not use them more often...still...at times I really pity for her when I think, "what else she can do"?... 

We too are to be blamed. If they even go to their granny's house we keep calling them every hour to check how they are....But in those days when we went to our uncle/aunty's place... only when our parents saw us back after holidays they will be able to talk to us and know how we were. So to speak, it helped us to be more creative and independent. I remember narrating so many stories when I got back from vacation. Even now, I share them with my husband occassionally. Those were real fun-filled days.

One big summer task used to be making homemade 'vattal', a snack dried under the sunlight. We used to sit for hours together with our granny the whole day under the sun, making those round tiny eatables, which we dry under the sunlight. But sun was also not this hot with us. He used to be our morning motivation and a friend. We ignored the elders at home yelling at us, "don't be out the whole day...it's hot!". 

It was safe to freely roam around. Today, we are not allowing our children to play outside and spoiling them with various gadgets and made to feel scared really about many crime against children. At least we must help them play some indoor games to avoid them staying with their ipads, tablets, smart phones or gaming consoles.

We even used to climb mango trees in our house/nearby our houses to get loads of mangoes which we temper with salt & chilli powder and have them together. It helped us to learn 'sharing' things with our cousins/friends. Unfortunately we hardly find trees now and it is 'us' who had cut down the trees to build our houses... isn't it?

Aah! Down the memory lane....! I feel 'if I can' get back to those days, I am ready to disown my mobile phone, television, internet, and other comforts for that matter. But reality is...we cannot​ change the change that had already happened. But one thing is for sure, we---friends/cousins---are still in touch and age doesn't matter. With the same gadgets we can get back to our childhood days' pleasures... You know how? We can stay in touch daily with them like before, can pull each others legs with witty chats and funny jokes. 

I suddenly had a self-doubt a few days back like whether the relationship I have with my friends/cousins is 'still' intense and profoundly positive... compared to what it was then, so I sent a riddle to them 'to describe me in a word'. The replies not only made me happy but it also boosted my morale and gave me a reassurance that the distance really doesn't matter.

Let's enjoy our life like we are still a child. We are the same old funny peeps who can share anything between us without an iota of shame. Guess what? They may also be longing to see us back in our old form.... Remember, "your vibe attracts your tribe"....so trace back all of them!

Stay happy​! Stay positive!

- Suganthi Sankaran

Live Positive Way

Normally, a girl and a boy meet each other....either based on their mutual choice or because the parents and relatives arranged for a meet. Then eventually 'the grand event' takes place. A 'beautiful' bride and a 'handsome' groom ties the knot to become a 'family'. They start their new life with fun and happiness. They often go out on trips. They always keep cuddling each other enjoying each other's company. And they happily live forever....

Oh! This can happen only in our Bollywood/Kollywood movies and in our Television soaps (serials). Of course, 'Mega serials' are exceptions. They portray the flip side of this story. Thanks to all our female viewers. They always (!!???) feel very happy to see the other girl cry. 

But the 'marital bliss' is something different from both the two scenarios stated above. We can say with certainty that it is more than roaming around, shopping and enjoying eachother's company.

Nothing comes easy in life, so is the marriage life. It takes a lot of love, care, understanding, accommodation, compromises and above all---in our Country---it takes a lot of patience and time to make it strong.

Of course after a few initial days of trails and tribulations the actual life starts. I always feel the older version of marriage that we saw in our grannys' days was "near-perfect". Some feminist readers may not agree with me on this. I think, nowadays, brides demand so much to get married to a guy. The sad part is he must know 'cooking', 'cleaning', 'moping' and what not... So demanding!! Isn't it?!

I guess the secret to a smooth and happy married life lies in the partners realising the exact areas in which they can support each other and compliment each other rather than dwell on 'conflict' over mundane stuff. Over-demanding nature from both ends can only make things worse.

From my point of view the guy must help his wife to become more independent economically, provide opportunities to explore positive sides of her personality, comfort her with freedom to express her point of view in their life decisions and support her to cater to her emotional needs. On the other hand, the girl should lend her helping hand to support her husband's professional life, either by the way of contributing financially or by staying as a constant support in every step he takes by motivating him and by saying, "I know you can do this", "You are capable of, and I am with you".

In spite of all these efforts there may still be an avenue to fight, argue or disagree with each other, but that can be solved if its been done in a peaceful way, by lending ears/shoulders to one another. Many a times, we adjust to make a passenger sit next to us in train/bus/auto with a broad smile. They are strangers we are never gonna meet them again. Imagine, how much important the person who is going to spend his entire life with us. Only harmonious life partners can create and mould a balanced child who will be emotionally and logically strong.

You all must be wondering why all of a sudden such a post on marriage life. Isn't it? Guess what.....?  It's almost 11 years of roller coaster ride on this marital journey and after crossing all tides of fear, fights, bliss and peace, I guess, I am eligible to give my piece of advice on this.

Stay married and still stay happy! ☺

Keep blogwalking friends! Thank you!!

- Suganthi Sankaran

Live Positive Way

I was hardly four or five years when my dad introduced 'YOU' to me. I didn't know then that this bond is going to continue for years and years!

I walked long way to meet you with my dad and I was awestruck seeing you. I felt happy being with you and started playing and enjoyed every bit of you.

I kept growing and I gradually introduced my special 'You' to some of my friends, cousins and whenever I met you it was very hard for me to say 'bye' to you. Everytime, my dad kept yelling, 'how long you gonna take?', I used to say 'a few more minutes Appa, please'.

Whenever​ I met you I always had a feel of how huge my life is. It's full of happiness. You helped me overcome my fear of meeting people. See now! Here I am today... I can talk with​ anybody with ease. I remember standing as a timid Suganthi in front of you, but you encouraged me to break my fear, to shout, scream and sing aloud. To a great extent I owe you for the profound positive attitude I carry today. Everytime I meet you, there is always something new I acquire. You know all my happiness, sorrows, fears, secrets, desires.... You know me!

You taught me that the sorrows and pains can come and touch me but surely it will subside soon. Sometimes you have dragged me forcefully towards you but only to make me feel that I can stay strong and can help myself.

Now, I am not able to meet you in person, but I pass by you to tell you that still you are the Special One in my life. At times it takes years to meet you but the very thought of you being there makes me feel happy.

If someone asks me now, "how you would like to see yourself?". I simply think about you in my mind, my dear, my special - 'Marina Beach' and I reply them..'an Ocean....."!!

- Suganthi Sankaran

Live Positive Way

Blogging about some personality has become my latest passion and this time it's not just one person but about a special group of friends in my life.

There is a popular saying, "Two is company and three is a crowd", but can you imagine a group of 22 girls being together yet very comfortable with each other and going strong in a bond of Friendship? Yes, you heard it right. 

We are 22 in number! We met on this same day, 2nd February in the year 2015. So today is our 'Friendiversary' (Friends Anniversary).

You may think what is so special in that? We do stay in groups in school, colleges, or even in office and at the place we reside. True! I don't deny the fact but we are a group of girls who came together for a common cause, 'to empower ourselves and bring some value addition to our lives'. This bundle of friends met on this day three years back to qualify themselves as the 'Special Educators'.

When I agree that we do have a strong group of friends at school/college/workplace, there was always a competition between/among them, though it was not quite visible, but it still existed. I remember my school/college friends comparing their scores with each other (even the best buddies) and at times seen unappreciative about their fellow buddy's good scores. Do you remember the famous '3 Idiots' movie dialogue? "Dost fail ho jaye toh dukh hota hai. Lekin dost first aa jaye toh zyada dukh hota hai" (It feels bad when a friend fails but it feels even worse when he comes first). Hope everyone agrees to this. I know, with age, we became much matured but can't deny the fact that we had a tough competition then. In the case of Office buddies, the period of 'appraisal' becomes a nightmare and it will be a litmus test for that friendship. I have even heard a few friends falling apart due to that. At times even a Job rotation can bring in bitterness in a friendship with a colleague.

We, the gang of 22, are so unique in every way. On the first day of our 2+ months course, we met in the evening before winding up our session, on that very first day, I experienced a feeling of 'oneness'. I and my other group-mates collected all the phone numbers and email ids to form a WhatsApp group and we just kicked off like we were together for ages. Have never felt we are 22 different 'individuals' present there but felt like just 'one' blended team. We had same opinions, same thoughts and same solutions. I remember and recollect that our "Course Coordinator" too appreciated our 'oneness' and she admitted that she did not come across such a closely-knitted batch before.

We always wholeheartedly appreciated the efforts put in by each and every individual in the class. There was never a single criticism about anyone, no gossips about a fellow teammate and absolutely no backbiting. On a few occasions, if some of our mates present their ideas in the way of singing/dancing, everyone in the class will get involved and it eventually turns out to be a whole class activity. None felt bad presenting our views openly and every one of us helped each other in our projects and presentations.

You may feel it is quite natural since we come together with a common motto but all 22 people being there intact with each other is not that easy since every individual has their own personality. Even if some of them were introverts and not active in social life but still they were so active and open within this particular group.

The enjoyment that I get and the comfort that I have with these 21 friends is something very special and unique. They even had the privilege of calling me by my Nickname 'Sugan' since the first day of our course (we normally allow only our close friends to call by our Nickname). We are not able to meet so often due to our personal commitments and mostly connected through WhatsApp and Facebook but I am sure the day we meet up we will start from where we left. Together, for two months, we learned a lot from each other. In terms of affinity, they are even ahead of my many other friends' group that I am associated with since my childhood and hence they are so special to me. 

Today being our groups 'Friendiversary' I wish to dedicate this blog post to my Dearies, my Lovely Ladies - My MDA Batchmates. Once again you girls are so special to me and I love you all my beauties.

Stay connected, always!

- Suganthi Sankaran

Live Positive Way

“Life begins at forty” W. B. Pitkin

This blog is extremely special for me in two ways. First – it is my 1001st post and I am blogging since 2008. Second – I guess you might have got the clue! Isn’t it? Yes! I turned 40, my milestone age this month.  I don’t know why few people shy away from revealing their true age but I am feeling happy turning 40 and in fact, was eagerly waiting for this moment. 

“If life really begins on your 40th birthday, it's because that is when women finally get it….the guts to take back their lives” – Laura Randolph.

What an inspiring quote! But I make sure I am not going to pen down some usual challenges or hindrances of women in this blog post, certainly not a feminist post. I feel, irrespective of the gender differences 40 is the age where we can actually take a break, look back and analyse the path we travelled so far.  I am sure that each one of us has great achievements and a terrific story to tell. 

40 years – some consider it as an age of maturity. Do you agree? Let us check this list I thought of….

• Should stop singing all latest songs. Oh! I am 40, I can’t dance now, it may look awkward.

• No more novels, movies or adoring celebrities – going to read or spend time only on some spiritual engagements.

• I am getting old and in the middle age group now so it is unorthodox to look presentable with makeup.

• I must start putting up a serious face and sound strict with the children around and have to make everyone obey my orders.

• People must come and personally invite me for their family celebrations, otherwise, my ego will get hurt… I have turned 40!

Come on! Let’s not get into these ‘typical Indian maturity/ageing format’.  Maturity has got nothing to do with the way you enjoy your life. I feel it is time for me to dance more, sing louder and get connected with each person who come in my way. I am sure only these things are going to enlighten my life in the coming days.

Then, what is maturity? Everyone has their own understanding of this topic I am just joting​ down mine.

• Make life simple.  First, love yourself and do only those things you want to do. For, enough time is already spent on pleasing people. Some of them will never get satisfied whatever you do for them.  Just dust yourself from these petty issues and decide to take control of your life.

• I keep advocating everyone to get involved in their favourite hobbies.  Do what gives you meaning in life. Do things which can give you inner peace and self-motivation, be it singing, reading, dancing, gardening, carpentry or anything that which you love to do

• There may be many challenges you might have faced so far. I personally got hurt when I was a little girl by a few people who were 40 then.  I have grown old and they too have. Instead of ignoring them, behaving rudely with them or pinpointing their mistakes, it is better to show them how matured a 40 year old can be. Be generous even to the one who had hurt you. Be kind to the younger generation. They only need your acceptance, love and encouragement. It is not fair to show the hatred that we have for someone's parents towards their children. 

• Be bold. Take a stand for yourself.  Only you know better about yourself hence don’t let others dictate terms to you. Set your own principles. It's absolutely okay if others are not happy about it.  It's your life! Live it!

• Discover the purpose for which you are here. Try to touch lives by the way you can. Reach out to people. Spend your life wisely and satisfactorily. This lifetime is so precious and not going to come back again once done.  Hence be prudent.

• Some people are always going to criticise you at your back.  Those people who gossip behind you are exactly where they belong…behind your back, hence you keep moving forward.  Do not take them personally and hurt your inner peace. Your purpose must be to make your life fantabulous.

• Have faith, hope and trust in life. Spread positivity that can help you redefine yourself again and again.  People have become so stingy when it comes to motivating their fellow mates, but let us be extravagant in motivating others. Appreciate even the smallest positive thing done by others. Bring smile at least on one person’s face a day.

• Stop counting the birthday gifts you receive and start checking on how many beautiful wishes you receive on your special days.  Be reciprocative and thank them. It makes a lot of difference to the quality of life we lead when we mutually share our joy and respect. This is the biggest gift of mankind.

• Finally, let us appreciate whatever we have in our life at this juncture. Be thankful to God for taking you through this wonderful 40-year journey which holds a lot of experiences, lessons and fruitful tips which is going to make the coming years more beautiful and enjoyable.

I can keep adding more points to this never-ending list… I guess I have more time to do that in my upcoming blogs. To sum up - “Grow through what you go through”. It's your life and you are its driver. Plan a clear destination and let an enlightening path be guaranteed by the Almighty.

Have fun! Live your life rather than merely existing!

Drop in your valuable comments.  It is because of your support and encouragement I have reached this far. My sincere thanks and humble pranams to my blog followers!

Stay healthy! Stay positive! 
Now my journey starts towards my next milestone ‘graceful 60’ !

- Suganthi Sankaran